到哪里都是主场，每分钟都是加时

Anyone here excited about the Yankees-Phillies World Series game? Here’s the latest. Senator Charles Schumer of New York is betting Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter a case of New York cheesecakes versus a case of Philadelphia cheese steaks. So whoever wins the bet will die of a heart attack.

纽约和费城的棒球总决赛，大家都很兴奋吧，纽约参议员Charles Schumer跟宾州参议员Arlen Specter打赌，赌注是纽约的芝士蛋糕和费城的芝士牛排，所以，无论谁赢，会有个人死于心脏病。

Yesterday, former President George W. Bush made his debut as a motivational speaker. Afterwards, Bush said, “The crowd was so motivated, many of them left halfway through.”

昨天，前总统布什给了第一次激励演讲，结束之后布什说，看来观众大受鼓励，很多人没听完就走了。

And Osama bin Laden’s ex-wife has written a tell-all book about the terrorist. Even terrorists get scared when their ex-wives write a book.

本拉登前妻写了本关于他的书，连恐怖分子都害怕前妻出书。

“CBS News is reporting that President Obama has decided to send 40,000 more troops to Afghanistan. Obama says it’s all part of his plan to finally deliver on the campaign promises made by John McCain” – Jimmy Fallon

CBS新闻报道说奥巴马准备再派遣40000军队到阿富汗，奥巴马表示这是为了履行竞选承诺，麦凯恩的承诺。

“Google has announced that they’re going to give free Internet access in airports all across the country. It’s fantastic! Up until now, the only way to see something pornographic at an airport was to follow a senator into the bathroom.” – Craig Ferguson

Google宣布准备在全国所有机场提供互联网入口，太好了，因为现在在机场唯一能看A片的方法是跟着一个参议员进卫生间（前段时间有参议员在机场卫生间有不轨行为）。

“It’s been reported that outspoken anti-immigration anchor Lou Dobbs is leaving CNN. Yeah. True story, yeah. He’ll be replaced by a guy named Juan, who will do the same job for $5 an hour.” – Conan O’Brien

据报道著名反移民旗帜Lou Dobbs离开了CNN，实际情况是，他被一个叫胡安的人代替了，胡安做同样的事情，但是每小时只要5美元。

“Former President Bill Clinton talked to Senate Democrats about the healthcare bill. And he told them not to make the same mistakes he and Hillary did. That’s what he said, yeah. As a result, the senators all went home and got a divorce.” – Conan O’Brien

前总统克林顿跟民主党参议员谈起医保方案，他说你们千万不能再犯我和希拉里犯过的错误了，结果，这些参议员回家就都离婚了。

“I found out this by reading her memoir ‘Going Rogue,’ the Sarah Palin memoir, ‘Going Rogue.’ Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, believes the Berlin wall ran between Kanye West and Kanye East.” – David Letterman

读了佩林的回忆录《Going Rogue》我发现，这个前阿拉斯加的州长，认为柏林墙是砌在Kanye West和Kanye East之间的。

本文的脱口秀指NBC的Conan和Jay Leno，CBS的David Letterman和Craig Ferguson，还有ABC的Jimmy Kimmel。

美国晚间脱口秀开场主持人先来Monologue，就是讲时事笑话，以下十个笑点比较常用，特举例说明。

0. 小布什很傻 1. 克林顿花心 2. 奥巴马爱秀 3. 切尼很好战 4. 拜登很墨迹

5. 佩林很幼稚 6. 拉里金很老 7. 福克斯很右 8. NBC收视差 9. 中国很强大

基本上算是按内容总结一下我翻译过的Monologue

0. 小布什很傻

“Former Vice President Dick Cheney is working on his memoirs. People say when the book comes out President Bush is not going to be happy. Not because the book is critical of Bush, but because it’s one of those books that’s all words.” -Conan O’Brien

前副总统切尼在写回忆录，大家认为布什对这本书不会高兴，不是因为这本书批评了布什，而是因为这是一本全是字的书。

“Anybody here from Minnesota? Congratulations, you have a brand new senator, our old friend, Al Franken. Al is an interesting guy. Went from being a comedian to politician. George Bush — the other way around.” – David Letterman

有来自明尼苏达的吗？恭喜，你们有了个新的参议员，我们的老朋友Al Franken，他可是个特搞笑的人，完成了从搞笑家到政治家的转变，布什，恰恰相反。

“President Obama giving a lot of very important speeches. He gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to succeed they need to work hard and study hard. Then today, former President George W. Bush presented the rebuttal.” – Conan O’Brien

奥巴马做了很多重要演讲，今晚他讲了医保问题，昨天他给了学生一个演讲，说要想成功就得努力学习努力工作，今天，布什站出来，用自己给了个反例。

The University of Chicago, where President Obama once taught law, they want to house the Barack Obama presidential library. The library will be just like President George W. Bush’s library, except it will have books.

芝加哥大学，奥巴马曾经教书的地方，决定建一座奥巴马图书馆，跟布什图书馆差不多，但是里面有书。

1. 克林顿花心

“In a speech to the Clinton Global Initiative yesterday, President Obama thanked Bill Clinton for the extraordinary difference he has made since leaving the White House. Clinton then stood up and thanked President Obama for keeping Hillary so busy.” – Jimmy Fallon

昨天在克林顿的Global Initiative年会上，奥巴马对克林顿离开白宫后所做的努力表示感谢，克林顿也感谢奥巴马让希拉里一直这么忙。

“Former President Bill Clinton was recently asked about his wife Hillary’s 11-day trip to Africa. And he said, ‘I wish she were home.’ Then he said, ‘By which, I mean, I wish her home was Africa.’” -Conan O’Brien

前总统克林顿最近谈到妻子希拉里11天的非洲行时说，我希望她能待在家。接着补充到：我是指，我希望非洲是她的家。

Yesterday in New York, President Obama had lunch with former President Clinton. Afterwards, Clinton told Obama, “Remember, if Hillary asks, we had lunch and dinner, then I slept over at your place.”

昨天奥巴马和克林顿在纽约共进午餐，饭后，克林顿跟奥巴马说，如果希拉里问的话，就说我们一起吃了午餐和晚餐，晚上我在你家睡的。

It’s a great day for America, everybody. Yes, it is. It is our Secretary of State’s birthday. It is Hillary Clinton’s birthday. Happy birthday, Hillary. President Obama asked her what she wanted, she said, “Your job.”

今天是重要的日子，我们国家国务卿希拉里的生日，奥巴马问她想要什么生日礼物，希拉里说：你的工作。

Bill Clinton is planning a romantic candlelight dinner tonight. Then he’ll go home and see Hillary.

克林顿准备了一顿烛光晚餐，吃完他就回家见希拉里。

Did you hear this? Hillary Clinton busted her elbow. Apparently, she slipped and hit the floor when she went home to her husband early, unannounced.

听说了吗？希拉里伤了胳膊，他提前没告诉克林顿就回家结果滑到摔倒了地板上

2. 奥巴马爱秀

By the way, the Emmys was the only Sunday television program that President Obama was not on yesterday.

艾美颁奖典礼是昨晚奥巴马唯一没出现的节目。

“It was big night on television tonight. And instead of showing President Obama’s healthcare speech that was on tonight, Fox aired its season premiere of ‘So You Think You Can Dance.’ I guess they wanted to give viewers a choice between hearing what’s wrong with our country and watching what’s wrong with our country.” – Jimmy Fallon

今晚电视屏幕有重头戏，除了FOX，所有公共电台都会播出奥巴马关于医保的演讲，FOX决定播出新一季的“舞林大会”，这样观众可以选择是听我们国家哪里出了问题还是看我们国家哪里出了问题。

3. 切尼很好战

Some Republicans are saying they want Dick Cheney, that’s right, Dick Cheney, to run for president in 2012. Of course, you have to remember that when they said this, Cheney was torturing them.

一些共和党人希望切尼参加2012大选，当然你要知道这些人这么说是因为切尼正在对他们刑讯逼供。

“Hey, wait a minute, you know on Sunday, it’ll be 16 years that Paul and I and everybody else have been here at CBS on the ‘Late Show.’ Sixteen years, ladies and gentlemen. I’ve been torturing people longer than Dick Cheney.” – David Letterman

等一下，这个周日是我在CBS的Late Show十六周年的纪念日，十六年了啊，同志们，我比切尼折磨人的年头还长啊。

4. 拜登很墨迹

He talked so long, even Joe Biden went, “Enough!”

卡扎菲讲的时间实在是太长了，连副总统拜登都站出来说，“停吧”

Muammar Qaddafi was at the U.N. today. He gave a speech that was extremely long. It was rambling and filled with inappropriate comments. As soon as Qaddafi finished, Joe Biden came up and said, “Teach me, master.”

卡扎菲马拉松似的演讲，主题散乱而且胡说八道，他一讲完，拜登立刻跳上台：“师父，教教我吧”

“This is actually a true story. It was in the news today. The latest slang dictionary reports that the word Obama means ‘cool,’ as in ‘you are so Obama.’ Also gaining popularity: the phrase ’shut your Biden-hole.’” – Conan O’Brien

今天新闻上说，最新的俚语词典收录了Obama的一个新解释，酷，比如“你很奥巴马”，另外一个引起注意的词，“闭上你的‘拜登’眼”。

Yesterday, President Obama was in New Orleans. A little boy asked President Obama, “Why do people hate you?” Then the little boy turned to Joe Biden and said, “I know why people hate you.”

昨天，奥巴马在新奥尔良，有个小孩问他，为啥人们都恨你呢？然后小孩又转向拜登，我知道为啥人们都恨你。

“A very happy birthday to President Obama, who turns 48 tomorrow. As a special gift, Joe Biden is giving him 24 hours of complete silence.” – Jimmy Fallon

奥巴马生日过的很快乐，作为特殊礼物，副总统拜登24小时没说话。

5. 佩林很幼稚

“President Obama is in Russia. And we know this because Sarah Palin says she can see him from her house.” – David Letterman

奥巴马在俄罗斯访问，我们获悉这个消息是因为佩林从家里看到了他。

And then next month, Sarah Palin is going to Hong Kong for a speaking engagement in Hong Kong. She says she can almost see Hong Kong from her house.

下个月佩林将到香港演讲，她说她几乎能从家里看到香港。

Chinese are all very excited, though. They think they’re getting Tina Fey.

中国人民很高兴，因为他们以为是Tina Fey要来。

“It’s an emotional day. A lot of us are still mourning the loss of one of America’s most entertaining figures, who left us all too soon. But don’t worry, folks, Sarah Palin will be back. Comedians everywhere are praying.” – Conan O’Brien

这是伤感的一天，我们都在哀悼逝去的美国第一娱乐偶像MJ，他早早的离开了。但是不要担心，兄弟们，佩林来了，全国的搞笑家们都在祈祷。

“Labor day weekend. Remember Sarah Palin, the former governor of Alaska? She’s having a big cookout for all her family, all of her friends up there in Alaska. And people say, ‘Is she any good? Can she cook?’ Remember last year she cooked John McCain’s goose? Remember that? Tremendous!” – David Letterman

劳动节长周末，还记得佩林吗？阿拉斯加前州长，她亲自下厨招待全家和亲朋好友，有人问：她厨艺咋样，她会煮啥?  嘿嘿，还记得去年她煮飞了麦凯恩到手的鸭子。

Hey, listen to this. You know the former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin? Boy, I know her. She’s traveling all over the world now, speaking gigs. And she went to Hong Kong and gave a speech and people who heard the speech said it was articulate, it was well-prepared, it was compelling. It’s a year late, but …

前阿拉斯加州长佩林在周游世界，在香港做了个演讲，演讲说的很清晰准备很充分，效果很好，可惜啊可惜，晚了一年。

And if it was that good I’m thinking it must have been Tina Fey.

如果真是说得那么好的话，那肯定是Tina Fey（给的演讲）。

“Sarah Palin’s new autobiography doesn’t come out until November, but it is already No. 1 on Amazon. And if you go to the website, it says, ‘People who bought this book also bought no other books in their entire life.’” – Jimmy Fallon

佩林的自传将于11月份上架，但是已经在亚马逊上排第一名了，上面简介写着：买这本书的人都是一辈子没买过别的书的。

People see her as a candidate in 2012. Some people have started giving money to her campaign. For instance, she just received a very generous check from Barack Obama to run.

人们将佩林看做2012总统大选的热门人物，已经有人开始给她的选举捐钱了，比如，最近奥巴马捐了一大笔。

Her book is No. 1 on Amazon.com right now. Stephen King actually has the No. 2 book. Very scary new book called “Sarah Palin Becomes President.”

佩林新书在Amazon上排名第一，排名第二的书是斯蒂芬金写的一本恐怖小说，名字叫：佩林成为美国总统

6. 拉里金很老

"Well, of course, this Sunday is Easter. Of course, Easter is that very, very holy day when Christians around the world honor a 2,000-year-old Jewish man who is not Larry King." --Conan O'Brien

这周日是复活节，复活节是全世界基督徒用来纪念2000多岁的那个不是拉里金的犹太人的节日。

Lou Dobbs quit his show at CNN. I know! Everyone at the network was shocked. Larry King said, “Who’s Lou Dobbs? What the hell is CNN?”

Lou Dobbs 从CNN辞职了，每个员工都感到震惊，只有拉里金问，谁是Lou Dobbs，CNN是什么？

"The Washington Post reports today that Barack Obama wants to select Sanjay Gupta to be surgeon general. Yeah, Obama said the CNN doctor must be pretty good, because he's kept Larry King alive all these years." --Conan O'Brien

华盛顿邮报报道奥巴马提名Sanjay Gupta为卫生部长，奥巴马说这个来自CNN的医生一定很了不起，因为她让拉里金活了那么长时间。

7. 福克斯很右

Well, yesterday, President Obama was interviewed by a reporter from Fox News. Yeah. And you could tell the reporter was from Fox News because the first question was, “How do you think you’re doing as president on a scale from minus one to minus 10?”

昨天奥巴马接受FOX新闻台一个记者的采访，我们知道那是FOX新闻的记者因为他问了这么一个问题：-1到-10，总统先生，你给你的表现打多少分？

The White House has announced that they no longer recognize Fox as a news organization, which puts them about eight years behind the rest of us.

白宫宣布不承认FOX是一个新闻机构，白宫比我们反应慢了8年。

“The White House has approved a new plan to pay — they’re going to pay members of the Taliban to change sides and support the U.S. And if it works there, they’re going to try it with Fox News.” – Jay Leno
白宫通过一个新计划-花钱收买塔利班成员，让他们叛变投靠美国。如果这招奏效的话，就将其用在Fox新闻台。

Not such a great day for Hillary Clinton. She fell down, broke her elbow. You know, Fox News is going to be all over this story. This proves the Democrats are weak. Reagan fell over 10 times, didn’t even break his hair.

今天希拉里克林顿不怎么走运，她跌了一跤摔到了手肘，Fox电视台又要开始小题大做了，这证明了民主党太弱了，里根摔过十几次，毫发未损。

Well, this terror stuff is back in the news. Earlier today, the feds issued a new terror alert. They said terrorists are looking at hitting successful entertainment centers, so you folks at NBC are perfectly safe.

又有恐怖袭击警报，今天早些时候，政府发布安全警报，说恐怖分子要袭击一些比较成功的娱乐中心，所以我们在NBC这里是安全的。

“The latest polls show that President Obama’s approval ratings have slumped to an all-time low, which explains Obama’s new Secret Service code name, ‘NBC.’” – Conan O’Brien

最新民调显示奥巴马支持率创历史新低，这解释了总统的新的秘密服务代号：NBC

More unrest in Iran as the government continues to crack down on protesters. And to disperse crowds, Iranian police used tear gas, water cannons and the NBC primetime lineup.

伊朗骚乱愈演愈烈，政府继续镇压抗议者，为了驱散人群，伊朗警察动用了催泪瓦斯，高压水枪和NBC的黄金时间节目阵容

9. 中国很强大

Labor Day is the great American holiday where we honor American workers by going out and buying products made in China.

劳动节，是劳动者的节日，我们通过购买中国制造的东西来纪念这一天。

Earlier today, President Obama delivered a speech to America’s schoolchildren. And he encouraged them to work hard and study hard. Yeah, then he said if that doesn’t work, grab the seat next to the Asian kid.

今天早些时候，奥巴马对全国学生讲话，他说：你们要刻苦学习，当然，如果做不到的话，考试的时候找一个亚洲学生，坐在他旁边。

“The President also said that kids — he told them if they study hard, the United States will continue to prosper. Then he added, ‘But just to be safe, bone up on your Chinese.’” – Jimmy Fallon

总统好说，如果大家都刻苦学习，美国将持续的繁荣昌盛，不过，为了安全起见，你们还是多练练汉语吧。

“Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke will serve four more years, or until the United States becomes a colony of China.” – David Letterman

美联储主席伯南克将连任，直到美国成为中国的殖民地。

Yesterday, President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, “I’d like to encourage you to do some shopping while you’re here.” I think it worked because China immediately bought eight banks, two car companies, and the state of Wyoming.

昨天奥巴马在联合国大会上发表演说，他鼓励联合国的理事国们在这能购物一下，刚说完中国就决定买了八个银行，两个汽车厂和怀俄明州。

Well, yesterday, President Obama was interviewed by a reporter from Fox News. Yeah. And you could tell the reporter was from Fox News because the first question was, “How do you think you’re doing as president on a scale from minus one to minus 10?”

昨天奥巴马接受FOX新闻台一个记者的采访，我们知道那是FOX新闻的记者因为他问了这么一个问题：-1到-10，总统先生，你给你的表现打多少分？

The White House has announced that they no longer recognize Fox as a news organization, which puts them about eight years behind the rest of us.

白宫宣布不承认FOX是一个新闻机构，白宫比我们反应慢了8年。

The University of Chicago, where President Obama once taught law, they want to house the Barack Obama presidential library. The library will be just like President George W. Bush’s library, except it will have books.

芝加哥大学，奥巴马曾经教书的地方，决定建一座奥巴马图书馆，跟布什图书馆差不多，但是里面有书。

People see her as a candidate in 2012. Some people have started giving money to her campaign. For instance, she just received a very generous check from Barack Obama to run.

人们将佩林看做2012总统大选的热门人物，已经有人开始给她的选举捐钱了，比如，最近奥巴马捐了一大笔。

Her book is No. 1 on Amazon.com right now. Stephen King actually has the No. 2 book. Very scary new book called “Sarah Palin Becomes President.”

佩林新书在Amazon上排名第一，排名第二的书是斯蒂芬金写的一本恐怖小说，名字叫：佩林成为美国总统

“Chrysler announced it’s coming out with a new logo that’s going to appear on all of its cars, and they hope it will boost sales. And it should help, because the new logo says, ‘Toyota.’” – Conan O’Brien

克莱斯勒宣布启用新的车标，希望能提高销售量，应该能有效果，因为新车标上写的是“Toyota”

Are you getting excited about Halloween? These kids are so imaginative. I remember last year, a kid came to my door dressed as a Goldman Sachs executive, demanded 4.5 billion pieces of candy. It was amazing.

万圣节来了，孩子们忒有想象力了，去年，我记得有个小孩敲我家门，穿成一个高盛的高管，管我要45亿块糖，太牛了。

Yesterday, President Obama was in New Orleans. A little boy asked President Obama, “Why do people hate you?” Then the little boy turned to Joe Biden and said, “I know why people hate you.”

昨天，奥巴马在新奥尔良，有个小孩问他，为啥人们都恨你呢？然后小孩又转向拜登，我知道为啥人们都恨你。

And according to USA Today, car sales are now at a 20-year low. Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it.

根据USA Today的报道，汽车销售量到20年最低点，那肯定的，人都住在车里当然没法偷了。

And one of the most popular Halloween costumes being sold at Target stores this year — this is real — is the illegal alien costume. It’s so authentic, it even comes with a California driver’s license and health insurance.

今年Target商店最受欢迎的万圣节服装之一是，这是真的，是非法外国移民服装，做的太像了，还附有加州驾照和医保呢。

It’s a great day for America, everybody. Yes, it is. It is our Secretary of State’s birthday. It is Hillary Clinton’s birthday. Happy birthday, Hillary. President Obama asked her what she wanted, she said, “Your job.”

今天是重要的日子，我们国家国务卿希拉里的生日，奥巴马问她想要什么生日礼物，希拉里说：你的工作。

Bill Clinton is planning a romantic candlelight dinner tonight. Then he’ll go home and see Hillary.

克林顿准备了一顿烛光晚餐，吃完他就回家见希拉里。

很早就想学习Lisp语言，因为它的高深神秘，感觉Lisp之于其它编程语言就像TAOCP之于其它算法书一样。网上找了很多介绍文章和电子书来看，不过一上来就被什么atom，list等概念弄晕了，甚至还听说lisp程序代码本身就是数据结构，可以被操作的说法，立刻换Tab去看娱乐八卦文章去了。

不过最近读传奇程序员的八卦访谈合集《Coders at Work》， 发现这个采访者写过一本《Practical Common Lisp》，官网可以免费看，发现确实写的好，至少让我能看下去。就把读这本书的笔记整理下，记录下整个过程的困惑疑问，以及开窍的过程。

首先得有个Lisp环境，这个简单，作者Peter Seibel在官网上附上了一个地址, 本质上就是个Emacs加Slime，加一些书上要用到的代码宏库什么的集成环境。不过我没用这个，我用的是单纯的Lisp in a box。如果你用Windows系统，最简单了，先下载安装base installer，再下载安装CLISP module，然后开始菜单就能看到安好了，点击就能用了。若是Linux，如果安了emacs，需要安装lisp（我是ubuntu下apt-get install cmucl)和SLIME，如果不习惯emacs，可以找找别的lisp编程环境，我就没经验了，具体怎么下载安装配置我就不细说了。一切就绪后，在emacs里 Alt+x 输入 slime，就启动了lisp环境。

其实linux下最简单的方法是安装lisp之后，直接在terminal输入lisp，就出来一个lisp的环境，类似python的调用方法，但这样就没有一个适合lisp的editor，总所周知，lisp的语法是比较变态的，不用一个专门的editor是很痛苦的。

看见了命令行，可以输入一些简单命令体会一下，唯一需要说明的是Lisp用分号(可以不止一个）表示注释。

总之吧，现阶段，Lisp就是很多括号，运算符在最前，每个命令都有个返回值。

“Today, President Obama spoke at the G-20 global economic summit in Pittsburgh. He warned that if the world economy does not get better, next year’s summit will also be in Pittsburgh.” – Jay Leno

奥巴马在匹兹堡的G-20会议上发言，他警告说，如果世界经济再不好转的话，明年G-20还在匹兹堡开。

“Did you hear about this? Dick Cheney had back surgery. It’s from carrying Bush for eight years.” – David Letterman

听说了吗，切尼背部手术，那是因为背了布什八年啊。

“According to a new study out of the University of Chicago, participating in sports can make you smarter. That explains how these college athletes are able to graduate without even going to class.” – Jay Leno

芝加哥大学最新研究指出，参加体育运动能让人变得聪明，这就解释了为什么大学的体育特招生一节课不去上都能毕业。

“Sarah Palin’s new autobiography doesn’t come out until November, but it is already No. 1 on Amazon. And if you go to the website, it says, ‘People who bought this book also bought no other books in their entire life.’” – Jimmy Fallon

佩林的自传将于11月份上架，但是已经在亚马逊上排第一名了，上面简介写着：买这本书的人都是一辈子没买过别的书的。

“According to a new study out of the University of Michigan, during this bad economy, people’s health is actually better than it was before. Isn’t that amazing? When times are bad economically, people stay in better health, to which former President Bush said, ‘You’re welcome!’” – Jay Leno

根据密歇根大学的最新研究，在这个经济衰退时期，民众的健康状况比往常好很多，太不可思议了，钱越少，越健康，奥巴马说：不客气。

Well, this terror stuff is back in the news. Earlier today, the feds issued a new terror alert. They said terrorists are looking at hitting successful entertainment centers, so you folks at NBC are perfectly safe.

又有恐怖袭击警报，今天早些时候，政府发布安全警报，说恐怖分子要袭击一些比较成功的娱乐中心，所以我们在NBC这里是安全的。

And they said if a bomb went off in the L.A. subway system, it could affect up to three people.

据说要是洛杉矶的地铁被炸弹袭击，足足能炸到三个人。

Anyway, this terror suspect who was arrested in Colorado that was charged with detailed plans on how to make the bomb - here’s my favorite part. The guy said he downloaded the plans to make the bomb off the Internet by mistake. Oh, shut - that’s the porn excuse! Wives don’t even buy that! Shut up!

一嫌疑恐怖分子在科罗拉多被抓，被指控掌握详细的制造炸弹的资料，这个人辩解说这些资料是在网上不小心下载的，拉倒吧，这是下载色情电影用的借口，妻子们可不会信得。

Hey, listen to this. You know the former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin? Boy, I know her. She’s traveling all over the world now, speaking gigs. And she went to Hong Kong and gave a speech and people who heard the speech said it was articulate, it was well-prepared, it was compelling. It’s a year late, but …

前阿拉斯加州长佩林在周游世界，在香港做了个演讲，演讲说的很清晰准备很充分，效果很好，可惜啊可惜，晚了一年。

And if it was that good I’m thinking it must have been Tina Fey.

如果真是说得那么好的话，那肯定是Tina Fey（给的演讲）。

This week, Chrysler announced it’s replacing its owners’ manuals with a DVD. In a related story, most Americans have replaced their Chrysler with a Toyota.

本周，克莱斯勒宣布将用DVD取代汽车使用手册，与此同时，美国人民用丰田取代了克莱斯勒。

“In a speech to the Clinton Global Initiative yesterday, President Obama thanked Bill Clinton for the extraordinary difference he has made since leaving the White House. Clinton then stood up and thanked President Obama for keeping Hillary so busy.” – Jimmy Fallon

昨天在克林顿的Global Initiative年会上，奥巴马对克林顿离开白宫后所做的努力表示感谢，克林顿也感谢奥巴马让希拉里一直这么忙。

And Libyan leader Moammar Qaddafi-duck, this moron, was at the U.N. today. He talked forever. He talked on Israel and the swine flu and the J.F.K. assassination. Where was Kanye West to grab the microphone away?

利比亚总统卡扎菲在联合国大会上发表了巨长的演讲，谈到了以色列，猪流感甚至肯尼迪遇刺事件。Kanye West为啥不去抢他的话筒呢。

He talked so long, even Joe Biden went, “Enough!”

卡扎菲讲的时间实在是太长了，连副总统拜登都站出来说，“停吧”

Muammar Qaddafi was at the U.N. today. He gave a speech that was extremely long. It was rambling and filled with inappropriate comments. As soon as Qaddafi finished, Joe Biden came up and said, “Teach me, master.”

卡扎菲马拉松似的演讲，主题散乱而且胡说八道，他一讲完，拜登立刻跳上台：“师父，教教我吧”

Yesterday, President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, “I’d like to encourage you to do some shopping while you’re here.” I think it worked because China immediately bought eight banks, two car companies, and the state of Wyoming.

昨天奥巴马在联合国大会上发表演说，他鼓励联合国的理事国们在这能购物一下，刚说完中国就决定买了八个银行，两个汽车厂和怀俄明州。

Now, be honest, ladies and gentlemen. How many of you are here because you couldn’t get into the U.N.?

实话实说，同志们，你们有多少是因为进不去联合国大门而来到我节目录制现场的？