“And, of course, the Republicans still can’t believe that Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize. And the Democrats can’t believe that Sarah Palin wrote a book. So, it’s even.” – Jay Leno
共和党人还是难以接受奥巴马获得诺贝尔和平奖的事实，民主党人也不无法接受佩林写书这个事实，所以两党1：1平。

“The White House has approved a new plan to pay — they’re going to pay members of the Taliban to change sides and support the U.S. And if it works there, they’re going to try it with Fox News.” – Jay Leno
白宫通过一个新计划-花钱收买塔利班成员，让他们叛变投靠美国。如果这招奏效的话，就将其用在Fox新闻台。

“One year ago today, ladies and gentlemen, Barack Obama was elected president, one year ago today. One year later, we’re still in Iraq. We’re still in Afghanistan. But, you know, at least we got rid of Paula Abdul.” – David Letterman
一年前，奥巴马当选美国总统，一年之后，我们还陷在伊拉克，陷在阿富汗，不过，至少我们摆脱了Paula Abdul（原美国偶像评委）

“Clinton and Bush are debating, and, honestly, think about it, what is more exciting than a presidential debate that doesn’t count, if you think about it?” – David Letterman
克林顿和布什将要辩论，想像一下，还有什么比不算数的总统辩论更有意思的？