People are always saying to me, “Well, Dave, are you worried about health care?” No, I’m not worried about health care and I’ll tell you why; because I’m with CBS. They have a tremendous health-care plan. And here’s what it is. Simply, when I die, when I die, I get to appear on a “CSI” show as a corpse.

总有人问我，你担心医保吗？我说，不，我一点也不担心，因为在CBS，我们有个巨牛的医保计划，就是如果我死了，我将在CSI里出演一具尸体。

Hey, here’s good news, ladies and gentlemen — Eliot Spitzer is running for governor again. I’m telling you, the comedy recession is over.

好消息来了，Eliot Spitzer又开始竞选市长了，喜剧淡季要结束了。

Labor Day is Monday. Labor Day, of course, is the day that we set aside to remember when people used to have jobs.

周一就是劳动节了，劳动节就是一个纪念当年我们有工作的日子的节日。

It’s a great day for President Barack Obama. He’s getting ready for a speech he’s giving to schoolchildren tomorrow. And he said he wants the speech to be at third grade level, so he tested it on Joe Biden.

对奥巴马意义重大的一天，他将要给全国学生一个演讲，为了保证演讲内容三年级学生都能听懂，他在Joe Biden面前先讲了一遍。

President Obama plans to make a televised speech to the nation’s students during school hours. Many Republicans are planning to keep their kids home from school in protest. As a result, those kids have voted Obama “Best President Ever.”

奥巴马将对全国学生演讲，很多共和党人为了抗议，那天不让孩子去上学，结果这些孩子将奥巴马选为史上最好的总统。

Some Republicans are saying they want Dick Cheney, that’s right, Dick Cheney, to run for president in 2012. Of course, you have to remember that when they said this, Cheney was torturing them.

一些共和党人希望切尼参加2012大选，当然你要知道这些人这么说是因为切尼正在对他们刑讯逼供。

And then next month, Sarah Palin is going to Hong Kong for a speaking engagement in Hong Kong. She says she can almost see Hong Kong from her house.

下个月佩林降到香港演讲，她说她几乎能从家里看到香港。

Chinese are all very excited, though. They think they’re getting Tina Fey.

中国人民很高兴，因为他们以为是Tina Fey要来。