“Governor Schwarzenegger is trying to reduce California’s deficit by auctioning off state holdings that he says are no longer needed. So check out the auction if you’re looking to buy real estate, construction equipment, or the Los Angeles Clippers.” – Conan O’Brien

州长施瓦辛格还在尝试削减州财政赤字，这次开始拍卖不再需要的公共物品，你要是需要买房子，机械或者洛杉矶快船队的话，你要关注一下。

“General Motors has announced it’s going to be removing its GM ‘Mark of Excellence’ logo from all GM cars. Of course, the GM Mark of Excellence logo doesn’t usually have to be removed because after 50 miles, it just falls off.” – Conan O’Brien

通用宣布将移掉logo上的“Mark of Excellence”字样，其实，这完全没有必要，因为一般开50miles之后，那个字自己就会掉了。

“Yesterday in Arizona, Sen. John McCain had an out of control woman thrown out of a town hall meeting because she wouldn’t stop yelling at him. I’m guessing he still hasn’t patched things up with Sarah Palin.” – Conan O’Brien

昨天在亚利桑那，麦凯恩举行市政会议时一个女的因为不停地冲他吼叫而被驱逐，看来麦凯恩跟佩林的事还没完。

“McCain at one point had to have a crazy woman removed by security at one of these town hall meetings. And I’m thinking, jeez, he should have done that a year ago.” – David Letterman

麦凯恩举行市政会议时一度驱逐了一个疯狂的女子，我觉得，他应该一年前就这么干了。

“Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke will serve four more years, or until the United States becomes a colony of China.” – David Letterman

美联储主席伯南克将连任，直到美国成为中国的殖民地。

“Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke has been a victim of identity theft. His credit card company became suspicious when they noticed repeated purchases of large, failing American car companies.” –Conan O’Brien

美联储主席伯南克的信用卡公司怀疑他的信用卡被盗，因为这张卡一直在买破产的美国汽车公司。

“Hey, wait a minute, you know on Sunday, it’ll be 16 years that Paul and I and everybody else have been here at CBS on the ‘Late Show.’ Sixteen years, ladies and gentlemen. I’ve been torturing people longer than Dick Cheney.” – David Letterman

等一下，这个周日是我在CBS的Late Show十六周年的纪念日，十六年了啊，同志们，我比切尼折磨人的年头还长啊。

“Jenna Bush was hired as a correspondent for the ‘Today’ show. People wonder if her dad was a factor in her getting the job. If he was, it looks like she overcame it and got the job anyway.” – Craig Ferguson

Jenna Bush成为今日秀的记者，人们怀疑他老爸是不是起了什么作用，如果是的话，那么她成功的克服了它。

“A political group is urging Dick Cheney to run for president in 2012. It’s a political group known as the Democrats.” – Conan O’Brien

一个政治团体要求切尼参加2012大选，这个团体名字是 民主党

“Over the past week, congressmen have been holding town hall meetings across the country. They’ve been disrupted by angry protesters who are against Obama’s new healthcare plan. And things could have gotten violent, but nobody could afford to get hurt. So, it was very peaceful protesting.” – Jimmy Fallon

整个一周，全国都在举行小镇会议，很多抗议着反对奥巴马的医保计划，反对者情绪越来越激动，但是没有人付得起受伤的医药费，所以基本还是很平和的抗议。

“Former Vice President Dick Cheney is working on his memoirs. People say when the book comes out President Bush is not going to be happy. Not because the book is critical of Bush, but because it’s one of those books that’s all words.” -Conan O’Brien

前副总统切尼在写回忆录，大家认为布什对这本书不会高兴，不是因为这本书批评了布什，而是因为这是一本全是字的书。

“Former President Bill Clinton was recently asked about his wife Hillary’s 11-day trip to Africa. And he said, ‘I wish she were home.’ Then he said, ‘By which, I mean, I wish her home was Africa.’” -Conan O’Brien

前总统克林顿最近谈到妻子希拉里11天的非洲行时说，我希望她能待在家。接着补充到：我是指，我希望非洲是她的家。

“A paternity test revealed John Edwards is in fact the biological father of his mistress’ child. Yep, experts say they could tell it was Edwards’ DNA cause it kept grooming itself in the microscope.” -Conan O’Brien

父子鉴定证明爱德华是他情妇孩子的亲生父亲，专家说我们知道那是他的DNA因为在显微镜下它还在不停地复制。

“Edwards says he’s ashamed, he can hardly look at himself in the mirror. On the bright side, that frees up an extra 4 hours a day for him.” -Jimmy Fallon

爱德华说他感到羞耻，几乎不敢看镜子里的自己。好消息是，这样他每天省下了4个小时时间。

“President Obama’s awarding the Presidential Medal of Freedom to Stephen Hawking. Not for his work in physics; just for being the voice that inspired Kanye West” – Jimmy Fallon

奥巴马给斯蒂芬霍金颁发了总统自由勋章，不是因为他物理学上的贡献，因为他那启迪了Kanye West的嗓音。

“This is actually a true story. It was in the news today. The latest slang dictionary reports that the word Obama means ‘cool,’ as in ‘you are so Obama.’ Also gaining popularity: the phrase ’shut your Biden-hole.’” – Conan O’Brien

今天新闻上说，最新的俚语词典收录了Obama的一个新解释，酷，比如“你很奥巴马”，另外一个引起注意的词，“闭上你的‘拜登’眼”。

“A very happy birthday to President Obama, who turns 48 tomorrow. As a special gift, Joe Biden is giving him 24 hours of complete silence.” – Jimmy Fallon

奥巴马生日过的很快乐，作为特殊礼物，副总统拜登24小时没说话。

“President Obama just announced he’s considering transferring prisoners from Guantanamo Bay to Michigan. The idea is to scare the prisoners into revealing information about terror plots by showing them a bus ticket to Detroit.” – Conan O’Brien

奥巴马宣布要将关塔那摩的犯人转移到密歇根，就是用一张去往密歇根的车票来吓唬这些犯人。

“Hey, at a concert in Washington, D.C., Paul McCartney dedicated the song ‘Michelle’ to Michelle Obama. And then, I thought this was sweet, he dedicated the song ‘Taxman’ to Barack.” – Jimmy Fallon

在华盛顿的一个音乐会上，Paul McCartney 献给第一夫人Michelle Obama一首Michelle，然后献给奥巴马一首“收税人”

“This weekend, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin took a submarine to the bottom of Lake Baikal, the world’s deepest lake. He got to see some rare exotic fish and his past political opponents.” – Jimmy Fallon

这个周末，俄罗斯前总理普京乘坐潜水艇深入世界最深的湖贝加尔湖的湖底，看见了很多罕见的鱼类和以前的政治对手。

“Bill Clinton got the two journalists released. This is fantastic news. And then afterwards, Clinton told the hostages, ‘I, too, know what it’s like to be held captive by an evil tyrant who wears ladies’ sunglasses. I feel your pain.’” – Conan O’Brien

克林顿救出了两名记者，对她们说，我太能理解你们的痛苦了，被一个带着女士太阳镜的暴君俘虏。

“It’s President Obama’s 48th birthday. The President has asked that in lieu of sending a gift, people just make a donation to his favorite charity, General Motors.” – Conan O’Brien

奥巴马48岁生日，他号召大家与其送给他礼物，不如给他最喜欢的慈善组织捐一些钱，通用汽车公司。

“The White House today said that President Obama will not call Iranian Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to congratulate him on his re-election. Even worse for Ahmadinejad, Joe Biden will call.” – Conan O’Brien

白宫宣布奥巴马不会打电话祝贺伊朗总统内贾德再次当选，对于内贾德来说更糟的是，拜登会打电话。

“The latest polls show that President Obama’s approval ratings have slumped to an all-time low, which explains Obama’s new Secret Service code name, ‘NBC.’” – Conan O’Brien

最新民调显示奥巴马支持率创历史新低，这解释了总统的新的秘密服务代号：NBC

“Despite losing 200,000 jobs in July, the unemployment rate dropped from 9.5% to 9.4%. I think that means a lot of people got hired to work at the unemployment office.” – Jimmy Fallon

尽管七月份20万人失去了工作，但失业率还是从9.5%降到了9.4%，我觉得是因为那0.1%的人在失业办公室找到了工作。

“Hey, yesterday, did you hear this? Computer hackers managed to shut down Twitter and my favorite, Facebook, for several hours. In a related story, yesterday American productivity jumped by 159%.” – Conan O’Brien

昨天计算机黑客黑掉了Twitter和我最爱的Facebook，关闭了几个小时，另一条报道显示，美国昨天的生产率提高了159%

“No, earlier today, President Obama met with the Mexican president, Felipe Calderon, and they discussed the immigration problem. They met at the Mexican president’s home, which, by the way, is now in Los Angeles.” – Conan O’Brien

今天早些时候，奥巴马会见了墨西哥总统卡尔德隆，讨论了移民问题，他们会面地点是卡尔德隆的家，在洛杉矶。

“Today, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said she sees no need for a House resolution in praise of Michael Jackson. Pelosi added, ‘Isn’t it enough that I’m slowly starting to look like him?’” – Conan O’Brien

众议院发言人佩洛西表示众议院没必要通过一个议案来表彰MJ，我都长得越来越像他了，这还不够吗？
All Hat No Cattle

“Good news for GM today. They emerged from bankruptcy and the newly appointed CEO said that the company will now build cars that Americans want. After hearing this, GM employees said, ‘You can tell this guy’s new around here.’” – Conan O’Brien

通用公司传来好消息，他们逃离了破产边缘，并且新上任的CEO表示公司现在要制造美国人民想要的车，一通用雇员听到这话后说，一看就是新来的。

“President Obama is in Russia. And we know this because Sarah Palin says she can see him from her house.” – David Letterman

奥巴马在俄罗斯访问，我们获悉这个消息是因为佩林从家里看到了他。

“It’s been reported that Governor Sanford’s mistress was a reporter for an Argentinean news channel. Did you know that? That’s true. Yeah, this makes Sanford just the latest Republican to claim he got screwed by the media.” – Conan O’Brien

据说南卡州长Sanford的情人是阿根廷一新闻频道的记者，这就使得Sanford成为最新的一位被媒体毁掉的共和党人。

“It’s an emotional day. A lot of us are still mourning the loss of one of America’s most entertaining figures, who left us all too soon. But don’t worry, folks, Sarah Palin will be back. Comedians everywhere are praying.” – Conan O’Brien

这是伤感的一天，我们都在哀悼逝去的美国第一娱乐偶像MJ，他早早的离开了。但是不要担心，兄弟们，佩林来了，全国的搞笑家们都在祈祷。

“Speaking of Sarah Palin, Senator John McCain was reportedly surprised by Sarah Palin’s resignation as governor of Alaska. He said he was surprised. McCain was also surprised to find that television now comes in color.” – Conan O’Brien

说到佩林辞职，麦凯恩说他听到这个消息很惊讶，他也很惊讶的发现现在电视机是彩色的。

“But friends of Governor Palin are saying that she is resigning because she is tired of attacks from the media. Thank God I didn’t say anything.” – David Letterman

佩林的好友说她辞职是因为厌倦了媒体一直的恶意攻击，幸亏我啥都没说（其实就是他说的）。

“Anybody here from Minnesota? Congratulations, you have a brand new senator, our old friend, Al Franken. Al is an interesting guy. Went from being a comedian to politician. George Bush — the other way around.” – David Letterman

有来自明尼苏达的吗？恭喜，你们有了个新的参议员，我们的老朋友Al Franken，他可是个特搞笑的人，完成了从搞笑家到政治家的转变，布什，恰恰相反。

“In a recent study, the United States was ranked the 114th happiest country in the world. Then Sarah Palin stepped down. Now we’re at 17.” – Conan O’Brien

最新调查显示，美国名列全世界快乐国家第114位，不过佩林辞职了，我们现在排在第17位了。

“President Obama’s in Italy to attend the G-8 summit, and he praised the Italians for being our ‘great allies.’ He went on to say, ‘Except, of course, for any time we’ve ever been to war.’” – Conan O’Brien

奥巴马在意大利参加G-8峰会，他表扬了意大利作为我们的伟大同盟国，不过，他继续说，当然，除了在战争时期。

“I know we got a lot of people here from out of town, and I hate to bring bad news to you, because I know it’s your vacation, a lot of people are here on vacation. And New York City, because of all the rain — it’s really nobody’s fault — we got a mosquito problem. So, the good news is the blood suckers are no longer just on Wall Street.” – David Letterman

我知道很多人来纽约度假来的，但是我不得不说一个坏消息，因为下雨，纽约蚊子增多。不过好消息是，吸血者不只在华尔街了。

“North Korea has gone nuts. I don’t know what is going on over there. There was a huge computer attack. Was your computer okay? We had a big computer attack from — they don’t know what happened. They shut down the U.S. Treasury Department website. Man! I was stunned. I said, ‘Whoa! The U.S. still has a Treasury Department?’” – David Letterman

朝鲜疯了，我不知道发生什么了，但我们在遭受大规模的黑客袭击，你的电脑还好吗？美国财政部的网站被迫关闭。天啊，我被雷到了，美国居然还有财政部呢。

Craig Ferguson

Did you hear about Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina? He mysteriously disappeared last week and nobody knew where he was. Today, Sanford admitted to having an affair in Argentina. I’m like, great, now we’re outsourcing mistresses.

听说了吗，南卡州长Mark Sanford上周消失了，没人知道其去向，今天，他承认因为一段婚外情去了阿根廷，我想，牛啊，我们都开始进口情妇了。

David Letterman

But now it turns out that he was in Argentina with another woman. A married guy, got a family, he’s in Argentina with another woman. And here’s what I want to know — why can’t he be like our former governor and use a local escort service? What’s the problem?

结果他去了阿根廷，为了另一个女人，他已经结婚有自己的家庭，现在又去阿根廷跟另一个女的在一起，我想知道，他为啥不学学我们（纽约州）的前州长呢，为啥不享用本地的网上色情服务呢？

You guys remember Dick Cheney? Vice President for eight years? Listen to this — and by all means try to stay in your seats when you hear the news. Don’t be rushing out to bookstores. He’s written a memoir about his life. Not just a memoir, a thousand pages! It’s a great book. You can actually use it to stand on to reach a better book.

大家还记得前副总统切尼吧，在任八年啊，听好了，千万别激动，别立刻跳出去奔向书店，切尼写了一本生活回忆录，一千多页，厚到你都可以踩着它够到一本好一点的书了。

Hey, you know what is going on over in Iran with the election? Have you been following that? Oh, it’s crazy. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has declared himself a winner. Had a victory party. And he came out at the victory party and he thanked the 148 percent of the people who voted for him.

还关注伊朗大选吗？内贾德宣布自己获胜并举行轻功大会，会上他感谢了占总人口148%的投票给自己的选民。

Anybody here from South Carolina? You’re here but you don’t want to admit it.

有来自南卡的观众吗？算了，有的话你也不敢承认。

Turned out the governor disappears, for like, the weekend. Finally, his staff said, “Don’t worry about the Governor, he is on the Appalachian Trail hiking.” But it turns out he was in South America. And it turned out he was down there because he was with a woman from Argentina. Seeing a woman from Argentina named Maria. And I was thinking Judge Sotomayor was apparently wrong because Latina eon’t necessarily have better judgment than white men.

南卡州长消失，先是说在阿巴拉契亚山脉登山，结果是去阿根廷，找他的南美情妇，我觉的，大法官Sotomayor（刚上任的首位西班牙裔大法官）说错了，拉美女人的选人标准可不比白种男人好到哪去。

What if there is trouble and you can’t find the governor. Well, how does that make you feel? Horrible, doesn’t it? And I’m thinking, South Carolina, what if they get the call that North Carolina is invading.

要是有事却找不到州长怎么办，你怎么想，可怕吧，比如要是北卡开始侵略南卡怎么办。

But in this sense, Gov. Sanford is a little like President Obama. He has Friday night date night; it’s just not with his wife.

这么看的话他跟奥巴马挺像，周五晚上约会，可惜他不是带着自己的老婆。

Jimmy Fallon

Sorry if you were looking for me before the show. I was just hiking the Appalachian Trail.

你们刚才在找我吗？我去阿巴拉契亚山脉登山去了。

There’s another new development in that Mark Sanford story. His wife, Jenny, kicked him out of their home when she heard about the affair. In response, Hillary Clinton said, “Wait, you can do that?”

事情又有新发展，他妻子听说他的婚外情后将他拒之门外，希拉里听说后，“原来可以这样做？”

Conan O'Biren

At a press conference yesterday, in case you don’t know, South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford admitted to having a mistress from Argentina. Then there was an awkward moment as he waited for someone to give him a high five.

昨晚的新闻发布会南卡州长承认了他在南美有个情妇，由此产生尴尬一幕，他一直在等有人跟他击掌相庆。

Conan O'Brien

More unrest in Iran as the government continues to crack down on protesters. And to disperse crowds, Iranian police used tear gas, water cannons and the NBC primetime lineup.

伊朗骚乱愈演愈烈，政府继续镇压抗议者，为了驱散人群，伊朗警察动用了催泪瓦斯，高压水枪和NBC的黄金时间节目阵容

Some experts are saying the Iranian election was rigged because in some towns, voter turnout was more than 100%. What’s even stranger, all those extra votes were from elderly Jewish people in Palm Beach, Florida.

有专家说伊朗大选作弊了，因为有的城镇投票率超过了100%，更奇怪的是，这些多余的选票都是来自佛罗里达棕榈海滩的老年犹太人。

According to a new report, Ford, General Motors and Chrysler have greatly reduced their number of customer complaints. The automakers did this by greatly reducing their number of customers.

根据调查显示，福特通用和克莱斯勒收到的用户投诉大幅度减少，他们是通过减少顾客数来取得这样的成就的

David Letterman

Did you hear this? Hillary Clinton busted her elbow. Apparently, she slipped and hit the floor when she went home to her husband early, unannounced.

听说了吗？希拉里上了胳膊，他提前没告诉克林顿就回家结果滑到摔倒了地板上

But the supreme leader said that the Iranian elections were not rigged. Well, that’s good enough for me.

伊朗最高法官宣布大选没有作弊，我信了还不行吗？

Conan O’Brien

The bad economy is affecting the numbers of available jobs. So, many new college graduates are choosing to spend a year volunteering at a nonprofit organization. These nonprofit organizations include Chrysler and GM.

经济形势不好影响了就业机会，现在很多毕业生选择现在非盈利机构工作一年，比如克莱斯勒和通用。

David Letterman

They’re having a lot of trouble over there in Iran. They had the presidential election. And Mahmoud Ahmadinejad — it was controversial, they were tied, and now he’s claiming that he won by a landslide. So his opposition, they’re out on the streets. And you know, when you’re out in Iran, you’re not supposed to be — public displays, no, you can’t do that. And it’s like hundreds of thousands of people in the streets now protesting this election. And the government is going crazy. And they’re saying, “No, no, no, no. It’s not a — no, that, that’s not a protest. Those are folks just lining up to get their new iPhones.”

伊朗乱套了，刚进行的大选，内贾德一开始跟他的对的票数不分上下，后来却是完胜对手。很多民众上街游行，但是政府说，不不不，那不是抗议，那是大家在等新款iphone

Here’s fascinating news. Dick Cheney, do you remember Dick Cheney? Dick “Boom Boom” Cheney. His approval rating is up to 26 percent, up to 26 percent. Yeah, crazy, isn’t it? He’s been upgraded from hated to unpopular.

有个好玩的消息，切尼，那个牛B的切尼，他的支持率上升了26个百分点，他已经从被痛恨变成了不受欢迎

I’m not surprised that Dick Cheney’s approval rating has really soared, really skyrocketed, up to 26%. Because you know, he gave people what they wanted. He left office.

切尼支持率飙升太正常了，因为他做了人民希望他做的事情，他卸任了。

Craig Ferguson

Not such a great day for Hillary Clinton. She fell down, broke her elbow. You know, Fox News is going to be all over this story. This proves the Democrats are weak. Reagan fell over 10 times, didn’t even break his hair.

今天希拉里克林顿不怎么走运，她跌了一跤摔到了手肘，Fox电视台又要开始小题大做了，这证明了民主党太弱了，里根摔过十几次，毫发未损。

Jimmy Fallon

In his speech yesterday, former President George W. Bush attacked President Obama’s policies on anti-terrorism, health care, and the economy. Then Bush spent the next 20 minutes trying to kill a fly.

前总统布什在昨天的演讲中批评了奥巴马的反恐，医保和经济政策，然后剩下的二十分钟他一直在努力打死一只苍蝇。

Jimmy Fallon

John McCain said on his Twitter feed, on Monday, that he’s buying a brand new Ford Fusion hybrid. A year ago, McCain didn’t use a computer. Now he’s on Twitter and buying a hybrid. What’s going on? I think he’s like Benjamin Button. He’ll be a cute little baby.

麦凯恩在twitter发布消息说他买了一个福特Fusion的混合动力车。一年前，麦凯恩连电脑都不会用，现在他用twitter还买了个混合动力车。怎么回事？是不是他变成了本杰明巴顿，他就要变成帅小伙了。

Conan O'Brien

Senator John McCain announced today that he bought a hybrid car. Apparently, McCain thinks a hybrid car is one that has AM.and FM radio.

麦凯恩宣布他买了一辆混合动力车，显然，他以为混合是指车既能收到AM也能收到FM广播的信号。

General Motors has sold the car company Saab to a European company that only produces about a dozen cars a year. General motors said, “It’s a perfect fit because we only sell a dozen cars a year.”

通用把旗下品牌SAAB卖给了欧洲一家小公司，那家公司每年只生产几十辆汽车，通用表示这各合作很合适，因为我们每年也就只能卖掉几十辆。

Jimmy Kimmel

Hey, I want to be among the last to offer congratulations to our hometown Los Angeles Lakers. On Sunday, they won the N.B.A. championship. There was some vandalism near the Staples Center after the Lakers won. You probably heard about it. Some people even torched vehicles, but they were mostly G.M. dealers.

我希望现在恭喜湖人夺冠还不算晚，上周日他们夺得了NBA的总冠军。在斯台普斯中心附近很多人兴奋地开始破坏公物，有些人甚至点燃了汽车，但是那帮人是通用的经销商。

David Letterman

I’ll tell you, to be honest, I was quite nervous about this whole thing. And I was really nervous about an apology to Sarah Palin. So what I did to get my confidence up, to get my nerves to settle down, I rehearsed by apologizing to Tina Fey. That helped. That was a big help.

说实话，我很紧张，因为要向佩林道歉，我怎么才能消除紧张呢，我对着Tina Fey彩排了一遍。

And the Iranian government denies that there are crowds of protesters in the street. They’re out there, like 100,000 people in the streets of Iran protesting. But the government denies that protests are going on. They say it’s just citizens enjoying their new pedestrian mall.

伊朗政府否认有反对者抗议，街上有100000人在游行反对选举结果，政府说那不是抗议，只不过是在体验新的步行街。

Jimmy Fallon

Well, the results from Iran’s presidential elections are in. And Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has declared victory. But his opponent, Mir Hussein Moussavi, is claiming ballot fraud and wants an investigation. If that doesn’t work, he’s planning on making a documentary about global warming.

伊朗大选结果出来了，内贾德获胜。但是对手Moussavi不服，说选举有猫腻，要求调查。如果不行的话，他就准备去拍关于全球变暖的纪录片（影射下戈尔）

David Letterman

I’m Dave Letterman, goodwill ambassador. I got a call from Mom earlier today and she told me she was siding with the Governor.

我是David Letterma。亲善大使。我今天接到我妈的电话，她说她支持佩林。

Honestly, how many of you are only here tonight hoping that I’ll offend somebody else?

如实招来，有多少人就是想看看我如何激怒某人。

Here’s good news for visitors. Times Square, have you been down to Times Square? It’s now — well, it’s now a pedestrian mall. They have 400 beach chairs in the middle of the street. And if you don’t get one of those beach chairs, well, I’ll lend you a bag of my hate mail. You can relax on that.

游客的好消息，时代广场，这个大家都去过吧，现在变成了步行街。街道中间放了400个沙滩椅。但如果你没抢到座位的话，我可以借你一包我收到的抱怨信件，足够你躺在上面放松下了。

And then, after the elections, the supreme leader in Iran certified the election results and shipped the crooked voting machines back to Florida.

大选结束后，伊朗大法官公证了选举结果，然后把可以作弊的投票器还给了佛罗里达。

Conan O'Brien

Obviously, ladies and gentlemen, big, big news is from Iran right now. Incredible, three days of riots, street fighting, people setting fire to everything. I’m not sure who won over there, Ahmadinejad or the Lakers.

伊朗出大事了，难以置信，连续三天暴乱，街头暴力，放火。我搞不懂到底是谁赢了，内贾德还是湖人。

Tough times all over. Amusement park company Six Flags is filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Experts say it’s due in large part to their money-losing ride, Chrysler Mountain.

世事多艰啊，娱乐公园Six Flags申请了破产保护。专家表示主要是因为那个叫“克莱斯勒”山的那个娱乐项目亏损太多。

回到美国时差问题大早晨9点就起来了，正好赶上国家队和德国队热身赛下半场，那是必须要看的。打得不错，最重要的是国家队终于开始注意打地面了，开始技术足球了。让我很是欣慰啊哈哈。

高中之前我都是“专业球员”的，踢球时间比学习时间多，小学时是每天早上晚上在操场踢，初中只有水泥操场就周末到附近的广裕小学踢，现在还记得那时候广裕小学被练轮子的霸占，我们就在人堆里爆射，不时踢到练功者，后来电视上看到他们中有人剖腹自焚啥的，心里直后怕。现在最后悔的就是高中和大学没有继续踢球，但是足球梦想一直存在，那就是代表中国国家队比赛。

我短暂的足球生涯都是在土场上度过的，没踢过草坪，土场上没有飞铲，没有倒钩，全是脚下传递，所以那时候技术是衡量我们水平的唯一标准，具体地说就是过人能力，因为这个，我喜欢彭伟国，喜欢张效瑞，喜欢李金羽，喜欢巴西阿根廷。但国家队一直以来似乎在踢另一种足球，靠速度靠力量，有的国脚真的是球都停不好，这样的队伍打东南亚的矮小队伍和足球落后国家还行。国足衰败我认为就是不重视技术，当年最爱张效瑞，比赛突破外国球员像玩一样，我就喜欢这样的，即使不进球也好看，但是不知道为什么渐渐就在国家队消失了。

这次国家队又开始回归技术了，但愿。我希望即使刚开始几年十几年成绩很惨也要坚持，中国人就是要玩技术的，这才是我们出路，看看日本队吧，刚开始玩技术足球还被我们虐呢，现在怎么样，中国恐日的时间肯定超过恐韩的时间，因为技术才是王道，日本成功了，就是靠坚持，坚持技术足球。

巴萨夺冠也使我们注意到现在国际足球的规则越来越有利于技术足球的，对于铲球等技术动作判罚非常严格，所以巴萨队员在对方禁区内如蝴蝶般穿梭来去自如，国家队在这个时候重走技术足球之路再合适不过了。

欣赏技术足球，最本质的原因呢，我想了，就是我的审美观，宁可最后输球，也要全场牢牢控制足球在自己脚下，不给对手拿球机会。过人，小范围脚下配合才是足球最美的精华。

十八岁的天空
from 范伟的博客 by 范伟

本山哥“摔三弦”那年我刚好十八岁。

 

《摔三弦》在本山哥的艺术履历中，可以称得上是“开山”之笔。在这出拉场戏里，他扮
演了一个瞎子，“土神”赵本山和“天下第一瞎”就是那时候人们对他的赞誉。《摔三弦
》把本山摔出了铁岭，走向了全国，恰巧在这个时间点上，我弃沈阳、展转葫芦岛、最后
踏上铁岭这个被本山昵称的“大城市”。

 

当时，我的工资是三十三块多钱，一旦转正我还能多挣十块钱，即使这样的工资，我的生
活已经足够奢侈。最具象征意义的标志是：十八岁，我会掂大勺了。

 

我在铁岭地区文工团的单身宿舍里，架上煤油炉，切肉、打鸡蛋、给肉挂上淀粉，在大勺
里淋上豆油……眼看着顺锅而上的“青烟”婀娜起舞，一个令人垂涎的“肉段”顷刻出锅
。啊……那香气弥散的味道现在想来依然久久不能散去……

 

会做“肉段”了，我接着“溜肥肠”。

 

在我心里，好吃的东西都跟肉有关系。最让我挥之不去的牵挂的是：无论是烹制成熟的“
肉段”还是“溜肥肠”，我总舍不得一次将它们彻底消灭。为了能够吃得持久，吃得余香
绕梁，我必须要跟它们进行拉锯战。可是好东西放久了不吃就会坏掉（那时候没有冰箱）
。于是，我绞尽脑汁，发明了一个储藏“肉段”和“溜肥肠” 的土办法。这个土办法，在
今天偶尔停电的时候还能派上用场。

 

我把舍不得吃掉的“肉段和溜肥肠”放在铁盆里，上面扣上碗，然后塞到床底下，让铁盆
直接接触冰凉的水泥地，上面再压上半块砖头，防止老鼠寻着香味窃食我的“果实”。通
过实践证明，这个办法相当地适用，于是我掂一次“大勺”，其“成果”够我受用一个礼
拜。

 

那时候，我只要小心翼翼地把我的“剩菜”塞进床下，我就觉得天空格外地蓝，风也格外
地暖，接下来，我一天到晚“曲不离口”、“拳不离手”地一番工作，加上没完没了地念
叨“吃葡萄不吐葡萄皮……”，就觉得转正指日可待，由此带来的“十块钱”幸福是离我
越来越近……

 

崔凯老师是《摔三弦》的作者。

 

那年，他把我拉到一边，耳提面命地跟我说了几句话。他说：你光背绕口令，只能解决一
个眼下的转正问题，要想成为艺术家，你要有文化！

 

当时，我还不懂艺术家是个什么概念，反正从那天起，我开始买《文学史》，买《小说月
报》，买列夫托尔斯泰的小说，还买来了《元曲》。一堆书摆在面前，我是“天上一脚，
地上一脚”地看书，上句背绕口令，下句我就背“枯藤老树昏鸦，小桥流水人家，古道西
风瘦马……”

 

《文学史》、《元曲》，我只能看个大概齐。有些东西似懂非懂，而就在这似懂非懂的读
书过程中，我们开始演出“相声剧”，开始在舞台上塑造人物。在炫目的灯光下，当我进
入人物的精神世界，去感受那些人物的思想和情感的时候，那些被我读过的小说里的人物
形象，在我的脑海中渐渐地变得清晰，这种渐次清晰的影像，直到今天还影响着我……


 

现在想来，十八岁的“大城市”铁岭，开始了我的艺术启蒙。 

Roast，在美国，就是弄个场地，你找一堆好友同事，他们挨个上台，羞辱你及到场的每个人，都是用开玩笑的形式，最后开玩笑的部分结束，再真诚的赞扬你一下。 

Comedy Central电视台放这个东西，我看了，觉得这个太猛了，虽然大家都知道是开玩笑，但是有的笑话攻击的我作为观众脸上都挂不住了，真是毫不留情，较劲脑汁的羞辱人啊。