到哪里都是主场，每分钟都是加时

“Today, President Obama spoke at the G-20 global economic summit in Pittsburgh. He warned that if the world economy does not get better, next year’s summit will also be in Pittsburgh.” – Jay Leno

奥巴马在匹兹堡的G-20会议上发言，他警告说，如果世界经济再不好转的话，明年G-20还在匹兹堡开。

“Did you hear about this? Dick Cheney had back surgery. It’s from carrying Bush for eight years.” – David Letterman

听说了吗，切尼背部手术，那是因为背了布什八年啊。

“According to a new study out of the University of Chicago, participating in sports can make you smarter. That explains how these college athletes are able to graduate without even going to class.” – Jay Leno

芝加哥大学最新研究指出，参加体育运动能让人变得聪明，这就解释了为什么大学的体育特招生一节课不去上都能毕业。

“Sarah Palin’s new autobiography doesn’t come out until November, but it is already No. 1 on Amazon. And if you go to the website, it says, ‘People who bought this book also bought no other books in their entire life.’” – Jimmy Fallon

佩林的自传将于11月份上架，但是已经在亚马逊上排第一名了，上面简介写着：买这本书的人都是一辈子没买过别的书的。

“According to a new study out of the University of Michigan, during this bad economy, people’s health is actually better than it was before. Isn’t that amazing? When times are bad economically, people stay in better health, to which former President Bush said, ‘You’re welcome!’” – Jay Leno

根据密歇根大学的最新研究，在这个经济衰退时期，民众的健康状况比往常好很多，太不可思议了，钱越少，越健康，奥巴马说：不客气。

Well, this terror stuff is back in the news. Earlier today, the feds issued a new terror alert. They said terrorists are looking at hitting successful entertainment centers, so you folks at NBC are perfectly safe.

又有恐怖袭击警报，今天早些时候，政府发布安全警报，说恐怖分子要袭击一些比较成功的娱乐中心，所以我们在NBC这里是安全的。

And they said if a bomb went off in the L.A. subway system, it could affect up to three people.

据说要是洛杉矶的地铁被炸弹袭击，足足能炸到三个人。

Anyway, this terror suspect who was arrested in Colorado that was charged with detailed plans on how to make the bomb - here’s my favorite part. The guy said he downloaded the plans to make the bomb off the Internet by mistake. Oh, shut - that’s the porn excuse! Wives don’t even buy that! Shut up!

一嫌疑恐怖分子在科罗拉多被抓，被指控掌握详细的制造炸弹的资料，这个人辩解说这些资料是在网上不小心下载的，拉倒吧，这是下载色情电影用的借口，妻子们可不会信得。

Hey, listen to this. You know the former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin? Boy, I know her. She’s traveling all over the world now, speaking gigs. And she went to Hong Kong and gave a speech and people who heard the speech said it was articulate, it was well-prepared, it was compelling. It’s a year late, but …

前阿拉斯加州长佩林在周游世界，在香港做了个演讲，演讲说的很清晰准备很充分，效果很好，可惜啊可惜，晚了一年。

And if it was that good I’m thinking it must have been Tina Fey.

如果真是说得那么好的话，那肯定是Tina Fey（给的演讲）。

This week, Chrysler announced it’s replacing its owners’ manuals with a DVD. In a related story, most Americans have replaced their Chrysler with a Toyota.

本周，克莱斯勒宣布将用DVD取代汽车使用手册，与此同时，美国人民用丰田取代了克莱斯勒。

“In a speech to the Clinton Global Initiative yesterday, President Obama thanked Bill Clinton for the extraordinary difference he has made since leaving the White House. Clinton then stood up and thanked President Obama for keeping Hillary so busy.” – Jimmy Fallon

昨天在克林顿的Global Initiative年会上，奥巴马对克林顿离开白宫后所做的努力表示感谢，克林顿也感谢奥巴马让希拉里一直这么忙。

And Libyan leader Moammar Qaddafi-duck, this moron, was at the U.N. today. He talked forever. He talked on Israel and the swine flu and the J.F.K. assassination. Where was Kanye West to grab the microphone away?

利比亚总统卡扎菲在联合国大会上发表了巨长的演讲，谈到了以色列，猪流感甚至肯尼迪遇刺事件。Kanye West为啥不去抢他的话筒呢。

He talked so long, even Joe Biden went, “Enough!”

卡扎菲讲的时间实在是太长了，连副总统拜登都站出来说，“停吧”

Muammar Qaddafi was at the U.N. today. He gave a speech that was extremely long. It was rambling and filled with inappropriate comments. As soon as Qaddafi finished, Joe Biden came up and said, “Teach me, master.”

卡扎菲马拉松似的演讲，主题散乱而且胡说八道，他一讲完，拜登立刻跳上台：“师父，教教我吧”

Yesterday, President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, “I’d like to encourage you to do some shopping while you’re here.” I think it worked because China immediately bought eight banks, two car companies, and the state of Wyoming.

昨天奥巴马在联合国大会上发表演说，他鼓励联合国的理事国们在这能购物一下，刚说完中国就决定买了八个银行，两个汽车厂和怀俄明州。

Now, be honest, ladies and gentlemen. How many of you are here because you couldn’t get into the U.N.?

实话实说，同志们，你们有多少是因为进不去联合国大门而来到我节目录制现场的？

And today is the 158th anniversary of The New York Times. Sad thing is, I read about that online.

今天是纽约时报创办158周年纪念日，可惜我是从网上读到的这个消息。

And doctors are still arguing over whether being fat should be classified as a medical disease. You know, I think it should be. It should be. Because this time, or the next time rather, your wife says, “Do these jeans make me look fat?” you can go, “Honey, I am not a doctor.”

医生还在争论肥胖算不算疾病，我觉得应该算，那样的话，你老婆再问穿这个牛仔裤是不是显胖的时候，你就可以回答，我可不是大夫。

By the way, the Emmys was the only Sunday television program that President Obama was not on yesterday.

艾美颁奖典礼是昨晚奥巴马唯一没出现的节目。

You know, when you have a big show like this, everybody gets kind of excited about it. And I was talking to my mom today. I said, “You know, President Obama is on the show tonight.” And she said, “Well, maybe I’ll switch from Conan.”

奥巴马的演讲一般每个人都会关注，今天我跟我妈说奥巴马今晚要上电视，我妈说，好，那我就不看Conan的节目了（Conan和David Letterman的节目是同一时间的竞争对手，这段话是Letterman说的）

You probably heard this on the news today. There are new security alerts issued to law enforcement agencies all across the country, because Al Qaeda is planning to attack vital economic centers. Well, good luck trying to find one of those.

听说了吗？有新的安全警报，因为基地组织在计划袭击我们的金融中心，希望他们能找到。

Today’s a big day. The MacArthur Foundation gave out its annual genius awards. This year’s awards went to a journalist, a mental health scientist, and a couple who sold their house three years ago.

麦克阿瑟基金颁布了天才奖，今年的得奖者是一个记者，一个精神疾病医生和一对三年前就卖掉了房子的夫妇。

“President Obama giving a lot of very important speeches. He gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to succeed they need to work hard and study hard. Then today, former President George W. Bush presented the rebuttal.” – Conan O’Brien

奥巴马做了很多重要演讲，今晚他讲了医保问题，昨天他给了学生一个演讲，说要想成功就得努力学习努力工作，今天，布什站出来，用自己给了个反例。

“Yesterday, when President Obama addressed the country’s schoolchildren, he told them to stop dreaming about becoming professional athletes. In fact, it was the same exact speech Obama gave last year to the Los Angeles Clippers.” – Conan O’Brien

昨天，奥巴马给学生讲话时说，不要梦想成为专业体育运动员了，实际上，去年奥巴马跟洛杉矶快船队员也是这么说的。

“Florida’s Republican governor, Charlie Crist, got a hold of President Obama’s speech to students in advance, because everyone was talking about how controversial it might be. He decided there was nothing partisan and he allowed his kids to watch it. Of course, like everyone else in Florida, Crist’s kids are in their late 60s.” – Conan O’Brien

佛罗里达共和党议员Charlie Crist提前知道了奥巴马讲话的内容，表示这个演讲没有任何党派偏见，会让自己的孩子去听，当然，就像所有佛罗里达人一样，他孩子都已将60多岁了。

“It was big night on television tonight. And instead of showing President Obama’s healthcare speech that was on tonight, Fox aired its season premiere of ‘So You Think You Can Dance.’ I guess they wanted to give viewers a choice between hearing what’s wrong with our country and watching what’s wrong with our country.” – Jimmy Fallon

今晚电视屏幕有重头戏，除了FOX，所有公共电台都会播出奥巴马关于医保的演讲，FOX决定播出新一季的“舞林大会”，这样观众可以选择是听我们国家哪里出了问题还是看我们国家哪里出了问题。

During last night’s health-care speech, President Obama told Republicans, “The time for games has passed.” That’s a quote. Obama had to say that because most Republicans were on their BlackBerries playing BrickBreaker.

昨晚演讲中，奥巴马对共和党人说，玩游戏的时间已经过去了，奥巴马这么说是因为共和党都在玩黑莓的打砖块游戏呢。

Yesterday in New York, President Obama had lunch with former President Clinton. Afterwards, Clinton told Obama, “Remember, if Hillary asks, we had lunch and dinner, then I slept over at your place.”

昨天奥巴马和克林顿在纽约共进午餐，饭后，克林顿跟奥巴马说，如果希拉里问的话，就说我们一起吃了午餐和晚餐，晚上我在你家睡的。

三个月前，我刚过了prelim（phd资格presentation），立刻开始加入听译美国脱口秀的活动，前后只听译了三个片段，不到半个月就不干了，实在是个苦差事。

其一，脱口秀不同于美剧drama，没有英文现成的字幕，所以说翻译美剧的顶多算是笔译，其二，脱口秀里主持人嘉宾甚至观众都无所忌惮，什么都说，一定要深入了解美国文化，关心美国时政才能听懂；有了这两条还不行，还得在中文论坛bbs浸淫多年，熟悉中国互联网语言文化，才能译出销魂的脱口秀字幕。最后，工作量上，美剧在播出季（一般四个月到半年）也只是每周一集（drama 40分钟，comedy sitcom20分钟），脱口秀是每周一到周五全年天天有，刨去广告，需要翻译的时间是每集42分钟左右。

就是这么艰难的差事，网上有一群人正在做，这是他们的论坛，也是作品发布页面，

http://bbs.sfileydy.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=274，平时大家的信息交流更多在这个QQ群，45392299.

这里的人现实中从未谋面，大家凭兴趣走到一起，是我见过最和谐最健康最友爱最有技术含量的网上组织。群里基本都是学生和刚工作的人，但是花大量时间义务的做这个难度高，受众少的差事，大部分人身在国内，看不到电视直播和如hulu这等网站（仅限北美ip），都是bt等方式下载然后在群里传播，再加上字幕，做时间轴，压成视频。完全是义务完全没有报酬，但是做出来的字幕质量极高，关注我校内分享的人应该可以看到。群里除了定期的发布听译任务（大家自愿领取6-7分钟的一段，一般都是被抢走，积极性非常高），就是脱口秀视频资源共享，咨询讨论，还有听力求助，翻译讨论，电脑技术答疑，总之，能学到的东西太多了。

喜欢Conan，Jay Leno，David Letterman, Steve Colbert，Jon Stewart, David Letterman, Ellen Degeneres, Craig Ferguson, Bill Maher的不要错过这个群，喜欢Saturday Night Live（昨天新一季--第三十五季premier，嘉宾Megan Fox)的不要错过，喜欢South Park的也不要错过，总之就是有趣，恶搞的风格。喜欢朱军，鲁豫，Oprah，Larry King风格的同志谨慎加入，隔欣赏趣味如隔山。

必须要推销一下，希望更多的人参与进来，了解美国文化的一朵奇葩--脱口秀文化。喜欢快乐的人不要错过。

Labor Day is the great American holiday where we honor American workers by going out and buying products made in China.

劳动节，是劳动者的节日，我们通过购买中国制造的东西来纪念这一天。

Earlier today, President Obama delivered a speech to America’s schoolchildren. And he encouraged them to work hard and study hard. Yeah, then he said if that doesn’t work, grab the seat next to the Asian kid.

今天早些时候，奥巴马对全国学生讲话，他说：你们要刻苦学习，当然，如果做不到的话，考试的时候找一个亚洲学生，坐在他旁边。

The President also told the kids that sleep is very important because it helps the development of the brain. Sleep very important. That’s what the President said. He told the kids sleep is so important that they should go to bed right after Jay.

奥巴马还说，睡眠对大脑发育很重要，非常重要，所以看完Jay的节目就睡吧。（David的节目在Jay之后）

“The President also said that kids — he told them if they study hard, the United States will continue to prosper. Then he added, ‘But just to be safe, bone up on your Chinese.’” – Jimmy Fallon

总统好说，如果大家都刻苦学习，美国将持续的繁荣昌盛，不过，为了安全起见，你们还是多练练汉语吧。

Obama said if he could have dinner with anyone in history — he was asked this — he said if he could have dinner with anyone in history he would pick Gandhi. That’s right, yeah. Yeah, yeah, very good answer. Yeah. Yeah, Obama says he picked Gandhi because he’d get to eat two entrees.

奥巴马说，假如能跟历史上的一位名人共进晚餐-他被问到-他选甘地，因为这样两份饭就都归自己吃了。

“Labor day weekend. Remember Sarah Palin, the former governor of Alaska? She’s having a big cookout for all her family, all of her friends up there in Alaska. And people say, ‘Is she any good? Can she cook?’ Remember last year she cooked John McCain’s goose? Remember that? Tremendous!” – David Letterman

劳动节长周末，还记得佩林吗？阿拉斯加前州长，她亲自下厨招待全家和亲朋好友，有人问：她厨艺咋样，她会煮啥?  嘿嘿，还记得去年她煮飞了麦凯恩到手的鸭子。

People are always saying to me, “Well, Dave, are you worried about health care?” No, I’m not worried about health care and I’ll tell you why; because I’m with CBS. They have a tremendous health-care plan. And here’s what it is. Simply, when I die, when I die, I get to appear on a “CSI” show as a corpse.

总有人问我，你担心医保吗？我说，不，我一点也不担心，因为在CBS，我们有个巨牛的医保计划，就是如果我死了，我将在CSI里出演一具尸体。

Hey, here’s good news, ladies and gentlemen — Eliot Spitzer is running for governor again. I’m telling you, the comedy recession is over.

好消息来了，Eliot Spitzer又开始竞选市长了，喜剧淡季要结束了。

Labor Day is Monday. Labor Day, of course, is the day that we set aside to remember when people used to have jobs.

周一就是劳动节了，劳动节就是一个纪念当年我们有工作的日子的节日。

It’s a great day for President Barack Obama. He’s getting ready for a speech he’s giving to schoolchildren tomorrow. And he said he wants the speech to be at third grade level, so he tested it on Joe Biden.

对奥巴马意义重大的一天，他将要给全国学生一个演讲，为了保证演讲内容三年级学生都能听懂，他在Joe Biden面前先讲了一遍。

President Obama plans to make a televised speech to the nation’s students during school hours. Many Republicans are planning to keep their kids home from school in protest. As a result, those kids have voted Obama “Best President Ever.”

奥巴马将对全国学生演讲，很多共和党人为了抗议，那天不让孩子去上学，结果这些孩子将奥巴马选为史上最好的总统。

Some Republicans are saying they want Dick Cheney, that’s right, Dick Cheney, to run for president in 2012. Of course, you have to remember that when they said this, Cheney was torturing them.

一些共和党人希望切尼参加2012大选，当然你要知道这些人这么说是因为切尼正在对他们刑讯逼供。

And then next month, Sarah Palin is going to Hong Kong for a speaking engagement in Hong Kong. She says she can almost see Hong Kong from her house.

下个月佩林降到香港演讲，她说她几乎能从家里看到香港。

Chinese are all very excited, though. They think they’re getting Tina Fey.

中国人民很高兴，因为他们以为是Tina Fey要来。